| Hmm, this place seems familiar, but I can't quite recall it. It seems like a lifetime ago.
I've come full circle, back to where I started. I've seen myself as I wish I always was, but that girl has passed back into the shadows, content to hide away until she is whole again.
There's an insufferable ache in the middle of my chest that seems to restrict my breathing at the worst times.
I'd only read about such a feelings and to finally understand it, is no less than miserable at best.
We laid our feelings out and what needed to be said, has been said.
But this changes nothing.
If I allow myself to succumb to the feelings that are fighting desperately to permeate the walls I have worked so hard to put into place, I will ache, and ache, and ache. For days, for weeks, for months. And at the current time, given the current situation with school and what not, I cannot afford myself the luxury.
So the option that I have so often chosen, comes into play again.
And I shut down. I shut down on everyone. There are no exceptions, even though everyone would argue that they "deserve" it. With one exception, comes many. And if that is the case, then what good is the rule.
I've been told over and over about "the way I am." And over and over I whisper fruitlessly that I am very aware of everything I'm being told. No one listens and my whispers quiet as I listen to the familiar utterances.
I am aware. I am aware. And I don't care.
"She'll be quiet, and full of composure. She'll be perfect; She will be a soldier." - Me.
"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." - Into the Wild (2007)
Katy Perry - Thinking of You
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...
You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
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